Step 1- 5:40 pm Invite your friend to dinner for delicious dutch oven ribs that you just learned to make (well, atleast you watched someone else make them and they said it was "so easy")
Step 2 - 6:05 pm Take your friend to the store to buy the boneless ribs & bbq sauce. Purchase a chimney charcoal starter, lighter fluid, and a dutch oven lid holder. 30 minutes and $36 dollars later, leave the store to pick up your son from work.
Step 3 -7:05 pm Start your charcoal, and get out your dutch oven.
Step 4- 7:15 pm:Discover dutch oven is not in the shed, but several miles away at your mothers house.
Step 5-7:20 pm :Decide one can always use an extra dutch oven and run to walmart (with your friend in tow) for a new dutch oven. After 45 minutes of searching and finding a stranger that will take a picture of you and your friend with a walmart employee (long story) and standing in line, you discover that this is not the right kind of dutch oven and decide to give up and grill hot dogs.
Step 6- 8:05 pm: On the way home, remember you are out of hot dogs and swing by store #3 for hot dogs. Find the right kind of dutch oven at store #3. Purchase it and the hot dogs. 20 mins and $62 dollars later get back home.
Step 7- 8:25 pm: Recall that new dutch ovens need to be seasoned. (heated up and rubbed with oil and heated again for about 30 mins) Do your own mini version of seasoning. (Wipe the oil on, and heat it for 10 mins) At this point your friend reads the directions that came with the dutch oven and discovers the reason you preheat is that the dutch oven comes coated in wax. Hastily rub the dutch oven with paper towels to attempt to remove the oil/wax mixture. Attempt to remove the paper towel flakes from the dutch oven. Say to hell with it and dump the ribs and bbq sauce in the dutch oven.
Step 8 - 8:40 pm:Throw your heated charcoal briquets on the dutch oven and start some more just in case. Throw the dirty paper towels in with them for good measure. Attempt to remove burning paper towels from the flames as the oil/wax mixture is giving off noxious fumes. Go inside and play a game of yahtzee with your friend while the ribs cook. (it's obvious that your friend is starving, but she refuses a hot dog and patiently waits for the promised delicious ribs)
Step 9 -9:05 pm: After completing a round of yahtzee, go outside and check on your ribs. Notice the roll of paper towels blowing in the wind dangerously close to flaming charcoal briquets and inches from bottle of cooking oil. Offer up a prayer and remove flammable items from immediate vicinity of flames just prior to melting your vinyl fence down. Finally, check on ribs and discover that they are completely pink and bbq sauce is luke warm. Realize that charcoal briquets only burn about an hour, and probably stopped giving off heat about 5 mins after you put them on the dutch oven.
Step 10 - 9:20 pm: Your friend now readily accepts the offer of a hot dog. Eat the hotdogs, ignoring the fact that you could have taken your friend to Ruby River for filet mignon. Realize that you are not a pioneer, you have electricity, and why, since the invention of the crock pot would anyone cook in a dutch oven.
